stupid us

I am so confused and I really don't understand the point of all of this anymore. Evan acts fine and happy one day, and then the next, we fight and he starts talking about how I am mean to him ALL the time and how I never listen to him and I lie to him and all of this bullshit. I ask him why he's still with me if I do all of these things and cause him grief, and he just says it's because he loves me. But is it really worth it? Really? Is the love worth the pain? It seems like we fight everyday over trivial things. It's ridiculous. I really don't see this lasting much longer. I love him more than life, but I can't keep doing this. He's hurting me, and I'm hurting him much more than normal couples do.

I feel stuck. I don't want to end this. He makes me so happy. Even when we're fighting and I want to do nothing more than just run away from him, I can still feel the love for him in my body. Not just in my heart, but a warmth in my muscles and bones. And I'm angry, but I just want to grab him and tell him I love him and it will all be okay. We'll get through this. This is stupid. Just stupid us, ruining perfect us, once again.

But would he let me? He scares me when he's angry. I don't like to touch him.

In other news:
School seems pointless to me. I'm learning nothing new, and it's getting to the point that I can't focus in class because the topics seem so old. I'm wondering if it's just me. Am I losing my mind? Am I going crazy?

Sad thought.

But Michael did tell me a good story today. He bought Taco Bell and decided he didn't want it, and saw a homeless man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry. So Michael gave it to him. The man said thank you.

When I talked to him about it, he said it was no big deal. But the way I see it, Michael made a huge impact on this man's life. He gave him health. He made his life better, at least for a short while (with Mexican food! Har.) and it really made me glad. I cried though. It saddens me how many homeless people there are out there that can't find jobs or homes. And the government is doing nothing to help them. The government says that if they really needed it, the homeless people could find jobs on their own. But what place is going to hire someone who can't change their clothes, bathe, or go to a doctor? No one would do that.

And that, my friends, is America.