What time are we upon and where do I belong?

So for the most part, the only people who are going to be reading this are close friends of mine whom I love dearly and trust to the depths of the ocean and maybe (but only maybe) to the moon and back.

Therefore; all of you definitely know about Evan's descent into depression and fall from grace, or as other people like to call it, created suicide attempt. What bugs me the most about this incident, is how I didn't see it coming at all. No one did. Not even his family, who according to him, knew that he was this type of person; I.E. depressed and topsy turvey. He seemed pretty okay that day. Him and I had argued in the morning over stupid shit. (Pretty much him yelling at me while I was at school, about me lying to him over some bullshit, and me telling him that he needed to get his head straight before he yelled at me over things he didn't understand.)

I asked him why he did it. I felt horrible that day. Not only because the person who means most to me... who is practically my life-force almost left me on this Earth by myself, but because I thought he had done it over our argument. After tons of reassurance and about 20 kisses later he was able to change my mind.

He says he did it because he was tired of letting people down. Which... really confuses me. No one has said anything about him letting us down. Just Sunday night we were laying in my bed in the dark... he chest pressed against my back, and I rolled over onto him, looked him straight into the eyes and told him "I just want to let you know, just how amazing you are... I'm proud of you." Now that I think back on that night, I have to wonder... did I know then? Did I know what he had been planning? Could I have stopped him and kept him from this hole he has put himself into?

Some would say that was impossible. I have to say I'm not entirely sure that is so.

Either way, I can't continue going on and blaming myself over this. I haven't slept or eaten anything since I received the phone call from Cindy (besides half a piece of chocolate and a bite of candy cane from Heather earlier today.) I can't keep anything down. I can't let my body rest.

Thursday or Friday. He said he would be out of there by then. He promised me.
But he also promised he'd never leave. And he tried that.
I need wisdom and chamomile tea. I need to sleep and sleep and sleep until he can hold me again.

Thursday or Friday.
Thursday or Friday.
Thursday or Friday.

...maybe I'm losing my mind.
Someone pull me out of this sea.