It amazes me just how quickly things can change. I know I have said this before, quite a few times actually, so it really should be no surprise. But the way I see it, when you love someone, truly love someone, how can you go from loving that person and wanting them around to being indifferent and just forgetting anything ever happened. I guess it's partly my fault as well as thiers. But what can you do? I'm not going to say names. I'm not going to let on who I am talking about. But hopefully if they ever read this they will realize I am speaking to them and that I'm saying this from the heart.
Dearest,
I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant to hurt you, or make you sad, or push you away. Most definitely not to push you away. You really need to understand how hard it is for me to be going through everything I'm going through right now AND have to deal with losing one of my absolute best friends. I miss you, hunny. You really can't understand how badly. And I'm afraid to call you to make plans because I feel like you don't want me to. I feel like you're done with me, and that you never want to hang out or talk again. That's the main reason I haven't called. I'm scared. Because I really don't know what I would do if that were true. And I know that you keep saying that you want to sit down with me and talk about this, but I'm absolutely terrified of doing that. I feel like a little kid. I tried getting in touch with you the other day and you weren't at your phone. I guess you were working or something. Or ignoring me. I didn't call back. I'm back at my moms now. I wish you would call. I wish something could change to fix all of this. I feel like we really got ahead of ourselves too quickly. I want things to go back to the way they were. Hanging out every night (after work I suppose) and going to Cheddars and playing video games and sleeping over. I miss you. I really do, and I love you more than you know. I'm sorry.
-
Stef
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