I salute you, Brother.

Not much has been going on in the life of me. Evan is a prick, and I love him anyway, and that kills me. Because he tries SO FUCKING HARD to act like he's untouchable, like he has no feelings and he's completely shut off to emotion of any kind, but he doesn't realize that I can see inside him. I can see under the hard shell he's placing up to block people out, and inside? He's cracking like a fortune cookie.

He says he's afraid to be in a relationship with me again because he wasn't happy before. And I say to myself.. Oh, so you're happy now? You know, drinking every night to dull the pain and wishing you were dead? Are you retarded? And not only that, but do you plan on living your entire life in fear? Lastly, that was before, and this is now. Things change. People change. We have changed. We need to try to feel the air... see if we still want this before we jump into anything. So I made him promise he would loosen up, and if he decides in a while that he wants to be with me again, he wont let fear take control of what he wants, and he'll go for it. BUT I know him, and I know he wont. Damn him.

Tomorrow is Laurens birthday. I made her a cake (which fell apart when I took it out of the pan) and she will probably love me for it.



Lastly, I have Saturday school this Saturday. 8-11. Gay. But then I don't have to worry about not Graduating NEXT Saturday, and that is good. Trevor kissed me also, just thought I would throw that in there. Crazy to think about. Because I was apparently his first kiss, and I feel horrible because he kissed me and I ran away. Speaking of running away, that seems to be what EVERYONE is doing lately. Woot.

Now I'm going to run away again.
Goodnight.