Shteffi Love: Have you ever sat back at the end of the day and just asked yourself..."is this really it?"
Michael: yeah, Why? Are you okay?
Shteffi Love: I just feel like I need to be doing something else. I'm not living up to my own expectations. I feel like a fucking failure to myself. But I don't know where to get started.
Michael: How? Why do you feel like that
Shteffi Love: I don't know.
Michael: You're not a failure
Shteffi Love: I'm not doing anything for myself.
Michael: Like what?
Shteffi Love: ...like getting my life on track, getting a job to make enough money to survive.
Shteffi Love: What am I going to do when I graduate? I can't stay here.
Shteffi Love: I'll have no where to go.
Shteffi Love: I feel like a shell of a person. Like I could be doing better.
Shteffi Love: Like it's what I should be doing.
Shteffi Love: But I don't know where to begin
Shteffi Love: I feel like I have a journey to take, and the roads are calling me... but I don't know what path to take.
spookykow: And, if there's ever anything I can help you with, tell me
Shteffi Love: It's showing me how unbelievably cold the world really is.
Shteffi Love: fuck.
I'm restless. Plain and simple.
I'm quite possibly losing my mind. I'm sick of the normal everyday occurrences and I just need something to jolt me out of this.
I've been thinking a lot about the past lately. How the people you meet throughout your lifetime cause a domino-effect on everything else. How one minute you feel completely head-over-heels for someone, and the next, you don't want to remember their name. How easy it is to blame someone else for what is viciously, blatantly obvious to those around you.
In other words... I've been thinking of Daylon a lot recently. I feel... remorse. Sorrow. I feel really bad for him. I feel really bad for me after the incident with him. I feel really bad for the relationship... and the pain... and things I said... and things I did... and what could-have-been. "Could-have-been" in the sense that we could still talk, and not despise each other the way we do. So many people pretend to like him, and pretend to befriend him, to use him for the store, and the benefits. It makes me feel horrible. So many people walking through the halls talking shit about him... and then making plans to go hang out at Virtual Ambush. I hate people who are so goddamn two faced. That's what pissed me off about Michael... is that he would go in there to play games and shit, and then talk about Daylon like a fucking dog. Why? What's the point in it? Hell, Michael hardly fucking KNOWS Daylon anyway. So what does he have to base things on, besides shit that he has heard, and things Daylon has said in retaliation?
And Daylon? He actually cares enough about Michael's opinion to get pissed off and retaliate. Why? Michael doesn't even know him. Or what he's talking about. So half the shit Michael says could easily be ignored anyway. And according to Matt, Daylon blames me for "changing him, but not in the good way." ...How the fuck did I change you, dude? Are you that easily manipulated? Are you so pliable that you can turn into some completely different person based on other's actions? I mean, fuck. It's called AGING. It's called maturing. And growing up. Things people do throughout high school, college and beyond. How about you quit blaming me for shit you're doing to yourself? And admit to your own fucking influences and own up to your own goddamn responsibilities.
Why does it matter anyway? The point I'm trying to make here, is people waste their fucking life's bad mouthing others, instead of giving them a chance. Like Jordyn. Lauren and Alex and Collete bitch about her because she's "annoying" and make fun of her all the time. But when you actually get to know her, she's pretty smart, and funny. I'm done with these childish fucking games that people love to play so much. It's ridiculous, and stupid.
Prying open my third eye.
MIND THE GAP!
[just finally seeing things a little clearer]
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