Yesterday was absolute fail. Let me just go ahead and say that right now. Contrary to popular belief, I do NOT enjoy laying around all day throwing up and feeling like complete and total shit. Thanks for trying though, body. Ugh.
So... HOW long has it been since I've updated this thing? My guess would be a few weeks, and I know how bad I am with numbers, so I'm not even sure THAT'S right. So I'll try to remember everything important that has happened since then.
It snowed really bad last week. I hadn't seen that much snow since the blizzard of '93. Our power went out for 4 days. Michael, Link, My parents, My sisters, and I were all snowed in and couldn't get anywhere for that long. It was scary, but awesome. I now know what cabin fever feels like, and no one resorted to cannibalism!
We spent Thanksgiving @ my grandmas and Link's moms. Christmas was also spent in the same places. I got some awesome presents, which I wont get into because I'm on a time crunch. But I'll bet that I had a better Christmas than you. :P Kidding, kidding.
Link and I moved into our new house! It's so weird to think that I have a house now. It's no longer "Oh, let's go chill at my moms." Now it's "Want to come to our house?" Surreal. Valtiel doesn't seem to understand what's going on. Every night he feels the need to stand at our bedroom door and meow to the point of driving me insane. I can tell it's really bothering Link, and it's getting to the point that I'm thinking I'm going to have to crate him at night to keep him from getting on the kitchen counters and fucking shit up. We woke up the other morning to come to work and he had knocked a glass of wine off the counter. Luckily it only got on the linoleum and not the carpet, but one more inch and we would have lost our $500 deposit. We don't have internet at home yet, but we should be getting it soon, which is exciting! I miss playing video games.
I keep having the same dream over and over. Well, it's not the same dream because different things happen in all of them, but the same person is in my dream. Sometimes we just talk. Sometimes we go places together. He's always really nice and sweet to me. It's really weird for me to have a dream over and over because it hardly ever happens. I guess that's why I felt the need to put that in here.
Tomorrow starts the new year. Which is crazy to think about because it seems like just yesterday I was watching the ball drop on the TV. Nothing special is going on tonight. I work until 6 and then Jon is going to pick Link and I up from the shop. Liquor store, then home for a night of drinking and Left 4 Dead. Or Borderlands. That game is really addictive. Michael is going to a friends house for her birthday, and then he's going to come over too. I'm excited about it. A 4-day weekend with Link is always nice.
I got my newest tattoo last night. I can't right now, but I'll post pictures of it later.
So since this is my last post of 2009 I figured I would go ahead and put my New Years Resolutions in here. I've been working on it since July and I'm pretty proud of myself.
What I want:
To drop 10 lbs - did it.
Learn to trust the opposite sex again - did it.
Have wild sex - did it.
Figure out who I am - on my way.
Move on - almost.
Stop eating red meat and sugar - Starts tonight.
I have achieved a lot in a year. I lost all my friends I had, my best friend, and the boy I loved very very much. And I bounced back. Better. Stronger. And fucking skinnier. Not by much, but good enough for me.
I'm going to be going back to school for something I love.
I am confident and secure.
I've accepted that I am never going to like my handwriting.
and it feels pretty fucking good.
Tonight I say goodbye.
Tomorrow I begin.
This is what I have been longing for, lusting for, NEEDING since I hit puberty.
Turbulent times to say the least.
Who I was:
A bitch
Jealous
Scared
Scary
A chubby girl with really big hair who attempted and failed to be a "good girl."
Someone who made fun of everything around her to counteract her hatred for herself.
Arrest-able
Someone who was FUCKING UP
Someone who even though she was a fucking nerd who got excited about Stephen King and video games and had a serious case of wordlust, was trying to "fit in" with people who didn't care anymore. Fuck ups. It never worked.
A mental case
Who I am:
Still a mental case
Confident
Touchable
Loveable
Still fucking up.... well, still fucking.
I am a nerd. I like to read. I like to play Silent Hill and I'm okay with that.
Journal,
I think I am going to make it.
and that is all yougottado
is make it.
Being okay comes later.
2 comments:
Im really glad to see how much youve grown in just a year. You're an amazing girl and I feel really lucky everyday that I get to spend with you. I feel like Ive grown alot too and I have you to thank for a lot of that. Both of our lives are getting better everyday. Im so grateul for sharing this growth together.
Man, that snow storm was just yesterday but it feels like a long time ago. Cabin Fever sucks, but thats another thing that is made exponentially easier if Im with you.
Valtiel is a handful, and it is frustrating sometimes, but you know I love him. And I like your handwriting, its a lot neater than mine.
Being more than okay is just around the corner. I love you, Steph.
Snow shit was awesome and horrible at the same time. I think I enjoyed the digging the car out days moar.
Thanksgiving - gay. Christmas - gay.
I'm glad you finally got the fuck out of your mom's house. Now to get Link out of yours. Ha! I keed, I keed. Valley's just upset because daddy is never there and some strange hairy dude is always beating him just because he wants some left over chicken.
I'm glad you're finally growing to like yourself. That's the most important thing. You really deserve to be happy for once, and I'm glad you finally get to be.
As I've told you many times before, the world is yours, Stefani. It's just sitting there, idle in front of you, waiting for greatness...
Do your thing.
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