So it's currently 5 AM and I have to be at work in less that 4 hours. Which sucks. But I can't seem to find sleep, and I can't lie in bed staring out the window until it's time to get up like I've been doing these past few nights. I don't know what the deal has been lately. I've been very mopey. Crying all the time, constantly wanting to be alone. It's nerve wracking, and I can tell it's bothering those that are close to me. They're worried about me. Hell, I'M worried about me. I can't be happy. I mean, sure, when I'm around my friends, and we're at Denny's at 3 in the morning smoking and drinking hot chocolate, I'm having a good time. But in the LONG RUN, in the backdrop, I can feel the sadness stalking me.
I guess I'm lonely. Which is stupid. I'm constantly surrounded by people. The past 2 weeks I have been with my close friends 24/7. Matt and Michael and Wesley. And when I'm not with them, I'm with my family. I miss Evan. Not HIM, but the feeling of closure and security I had with him. It's not even HIM really. I just miss that feeling. I miss Daylon and Evan and Michael in the good days. When I felt good about the things going on around me, and I wasn't so lost in the huge scope of life. I'm just under a lot of stress. Circuit City is closing down, and although I'm not worried about not having job, I know this is going to be a big change for me. I am SO CLOSE to all of the people in that store. They are like my second family. I love them all so much, and not being able to just walk in and see them any time I want is going to kill me. Not only that, but I keep forgetting about all the bills I have to pay. Phone, Insurance, Taxes on my car, Rent, etc. So now I'm going to be paying my insurance late. 4 days late. Which is going to suck. But they are going to have to deal with it. I only have $80 to last me until Thursday, and I have to pay for gas and cigs.
I'm done with moping. Let's get on to the fun stuff.
Michael and I went to see My Bloody Valentine in 3-D tonight. It was SO LAME. But funny. There were a TON of black pre-teens in the theater, and they would not SHUT UP. So halfway through the movie a guy towards the back finally yells "WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP."
"Who?!"
"ALL of you! You are being SO LOUD. You are some of the RUDEST people I have ever seen!"
"...we weren't talking."
Safe to say, they were quiet the rest of the movie. I lol'ed.
Matt is staying over again tomorrow. :) I'm excited. I fucking LOVE that kid. Michael makes fun of me because I get so quiet and high-school-girl-giddy when he's near. But I punch him. So it's okay.
The past two weeks have been non-stop Matt. Seriously. If he's not staying the night with me, we're at his house, or at Denny's, or at the movies. I see him every day. He texts me every day. And the flirting is never-ending. I love it.
I really need sleep. I think I'm going to pop in my Paramore cd and fall asleep before I pass out and forget work in the morning.
Ta ta for now, kittens.
<3
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