It's weird to think how quickly and easily things can change in a short amount of time. I was thinking about it last night, and following a long conversation with Michael about it, have come to the conclusion that I have indeed drastically changed since the infamous breakup of my ex-finace and myself. I'm harder (betterfasterstronger), but at the same time more fragile. The thought of meeting new people brings fear, and I sometimes get so stressed out about the idea that I become sick. It's not healthy, but it's normal for people who have gone through upsetting situatiions in such a short period of time. Losing a love, moving out of your comfort zone, and having to take care of yourself without the knowledge that there is someone to fall back on if you fuck up... it's scary. And definitely something no one sould go through at this age. But it's not like I've been through the worst experiences EVER, and I'm thankful that this is all I have had to put up with thus far in my short lifetime.
I've been working my ass off (work and school-wise) and I think it's time for a break. Monday is the last day of exams, and the last day of Fall semester classes. Which gives me a little time to pick up the pieces of my life that are still laying around before I have to get back to work. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy school. But I just need a break. I jumped into college straight from High School, without giving myself time to adjust to the idea of living away from home and working full-time with no money. It's stressful. And it doesn't help that my family is constantly on my back about it. Yes, you love me, and I love you too. But I moved out because I couldn't stand the stress of meeting OTHER'S expectations before my own. Back off, please and thank you. On another note, I haven't signed up for my new semester classes yet, and I'm thinking about taking a creative writing class based around Science Fiction. I think if anything, that class would give me something to wake up to each day. Exciting.
Since I have moved out, my mom and sisters have been begging me to come home. I miss them a lot, but I really don't need any extra baggage and stress right now. Plus, they live so far from the city, and with me working and going to school everyday, that would leave me with little gas and no extra time in the day to sit back and relax. Not to mention the fact that I would have to get up hella early every day, and everyone who knows me knows that no sleep + schoolwork = pissy Shteffi. Not good. But I have been going by there a lot more lately, and we have been spending time together, which is good.
Christmas shopping has left no money in my account, so I am dead broke. But I'm proud at myself for ythe gifts I have bought so far. Things they all need and would enjoy. I want a DS for Christmas, and I expect to get one from someone. My grandparents bought me a new car stereo, and Michael bought me an awesome Survival Horror game for a DS, and that was all I wanted for Christmas anyway.
Mom just called. I might update more later.
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